Jelly Pufflemur - The Life and Death of Zeo Mcee

The Life and Death of Zeo Mcee

“Summary: The Life and Death on Zeo mcee, the name has been changed since it would be disrespectful to use a real name, also this didn’t happened since there is no such thing as a headless horse man and such. ENJOY!

Zeo laid there on a broken tree branch naked with half his arm hanging loose, a broken leg and ripped skin, blood spewing all around the dead tree and all on his body and torn clothes.

The date was 1766 where there was much pollution disease and the deadly

Black Plague.”

[01:28] ProjectV01: its bad enough getting life on yourself, but death too?
[01:28] Foxesruleii: Okay, I gotta say. I love how he feels it necessary to tell us that there aren't any headless horsemen.
[01:29] ProjectV01: but they apparently have real names???
[01:29] Foxesruleii: Maybe he changed them from his original characters’ names so they wouldn't be offended.
[01:30] ProjectV01: "an injunction from Headless Horseman Union #235 prevents me from using the name of any Headless Horseman for the forseeable future, as such I have made up a ridiculous anime name instead, as was common in this time period"
[01:30] Foxesruleii: Is it pronounced Zeo M-See or Zeo MacE?
[01:31] ProjectV01: Iron, Lion, Zeo
[01:32] ProjectV01: his arm was hanging loose... like, footloose or what? also, if he was naked, why were his fucking clothes torn?
[01:33] Foxesruleii: All around the dead tree, but he was on a branch.
[01:33] Foxesruleii: So, like... Either he's got a lot of blood, or there's a lot more guys on this tree.
[01:34] ProjectV01: didnt Johnny Depp draw blood from the tree of the dead? Please dont tell me the real name this guy can't use is Johnny Depp
[01:34] Foxesruleii: Can't be. Johnny Depp exists.
[01:36] ProjectV01: the black plague sure is staying a bit late
[01:36] Foxesruleii: Man, sexy start to the story, no? Nothing gets the blood flowin' like the black plague and pollution disease.
[01:37] ProjectV01: and just what was making all that pollution? Pocahontas? It's 1766, the Industrial Revolution wont even happen for several decades
[01:37] Foxesruleii: No, no, its the pollution DISEASE
[01:38] ProjectV01: oooooh ok.
[01:38] Foxesruleii: Easy mistake to make.

“Chapter 1-In the Beginning

Zeo walked down an empty road with nothing in site apart from open counties, animals and darkness. It was a quiet night in the middle of Autumn as he felt nothing on his skin, not the coldness of the evening or rain on his flesh, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt feelings and love. Yet... his life hadn’t always been like this.

"Zeo! You’re home!", shouted out Falador.

"Hello old friend! It’s been too long since I’ve been home", Zeo replied. He wondered onto the long open grassland what made his feet tickle and itchy. He, having wondered away from Falador, sat down in the long grass which was above his head and stripped down to just the cloth that was wrapped around his lower body, (because, you see, Zeo wore nappies but not by choice he was incontinent), and felt the wetness and squishiness of the wet nappy rubbing against his damp 13- year-old skin. Reaching into his bag he pulled out wipes, baby powder, nappy rash cream and a fresh new nappy. He laid himself down onto the floor and changed himself while sitting in harmony until night fell at last upon him.”

[01:38] ProjectV01: so theres nothing in site on this road except for animals and the darkness? can I attack the darkness?
[01:39] Foxesruleii: I cast Magic Missile!
[01:40] ProjectV01: so he cant feel cold or the rain (is it raining? it is a mystery) is he, like, one of those pirate zombies? Is Captain Barbossa the real name he cant use?
[01:41] Foxesruleii: Quite possibly.
[01:42] ProjectV01: hmmm nice use of exclamation! points! They! make the story! so much more action packed!
[01:42] Foxesruleii: I didn't know that they called them nappies back then.
[01:42] ProjectV01: i also didnt know that they had baby powder and wipes back then
[01:42] Foxesruleii: Maybe they're time travelers.*
[01:43] ProjectV01: is this some sort of alternate history story where pampers company took over 1766 and spread the plague and polluted everything?
[01:44] Foxesruleii: Pollution DISEASE.
[01:45] ProjectV01: sorry, sorry, they spread a pollution disease....
[01:45] ProjectV01: maybe the disease is what made zeo unable to feel rain or cold, but still able to feel his diaper, somehow?
[01:45] Foxesruleii: Its a selective disease. could also be why his "home" appears to be an open field
[01:46] ProjectV01: it probably also makes you say one line of sort-of-dialogue to someone and then totally fucking ditch them
[01:46] ProjectV01: Otal! Hello old friend!"
[01:46] *** "Foxesruleii" signed off at Sun Sep 20 01:36:13 2009.
[01:46] Foxesruleii: ...Yeah, what a jerk.
[01:47] Foxesruleii: And something else too.
[01:47] Foxesruleii: You can't just sit in harmony. You gotta sit in harmony WITH something.
[01:48] ProjectV01: I dont know, he could be in harmony with everything at once such as the floor.... or the grass. I'm not sure which he's sitting on, or why this field has a floor
[01:48] Foxesruleii: Huh. Good point
[01:50] ProjectV01: yes, yes it was. please summarize chapter 1. your response will be graded
[01:51] Foxesruleii: I can't.
[01:51] ProjectV01: let me have a go
[01:51] Foxesruleii: Chapter one is pretty much a summary of itself already.
[01:51] ProjectV01: hahaha
[01:51] ProjectV01: lets see here, Zeo meets Falador, an apparent refugee from Lord Of The Rings, then Zeo changes his diaper on the floor of a field.
[01:52] Foxesruleii: After totally blowing him off.
[01:52] ProjectV01: ah yes. and I think that blowing Falador off is about the closest this story comes to erotic content

* To find out whether Otal and I were ignorant, I turned to google, and searched for the oldest (link)book available on child rearing(http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/dvmth10.txt). You cant just google "did they have baby powder in 1766", after all. So I scrolled through the text to see if it had anything about running to walmart to pick up baby wipes. It turns out they didnt, but damn did it suck to be a kid back when people were fucking stupid. Jelly Pufflemur healthwatch therefore prevents 19th century medical advice for the family!

Sect. IV.--LEECHING.

Difficulty sometimes arises in putting a stop to the bleeding from leech-bites; a matter of considerable importance in the case of a delicate infant. The following measures may be resorted to for this purpose:--

43. _If a child be suffering severely from "wind," is there any objection to the addition of a small quantity either of gin or of peppermint to his food to disperse it_?

Sect. III.--OPIATES.

This class of medicine is often kept in the nursery, in the forms of laudanum, syrup of white poppies, Dalby's carminative, and Godfrey's cordial.
THE COLD WATER PLUNGE BATH.
It consists of water in its natural degree of heat; its temperature varying, according to the season of the year or other circumstances, from 30 degrees to 60 degrees.

45. _Supposing he cannot retain the mixture--the stomach rejecting it as soon as swallowed--what then? Give the opium, mixed with small doses of mercury with chalk and sugar, in the form of powder, and put one of the powders _dry_ on the tongue, every three hours:--

Take of--Powdered Opium, half a grain;
Mercury with chalk, nine grains;
Sugar of Milk, twenty-four grains;

76. _Do you approve of tossing an infant much about_?

:I have seen a child tossed nearly to the ceiling!

“Chapter 2- A turning in the Tides

5 days had past in harmony with Zeo doing nothing apart from, sleeping, feasting, drinking a number of ales and laughing. As he sat in the pub and drank a nice, cold, refreshing beer a boney hand grabbed him and flung him out the door as the pub went silence and watched a skeleton- like creature walk out the door while chopping off heads. Zeo had peed his nappy and was crying in pain and shock, the masked creature spoke in an eerie voice and muttered rhymes, "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, you were the one that didn’t listen to me, you were the one who never let me be, you were the one who gave me bad stares, you were the one who drove me insane, your the one that wont be seeing light again!" as an unusual flash of lightning cracked and for Zeo it all went dark...

"Where am I?", Zeo said shocked, yet felt wrong as if this wasn’t his body at all he pulled out his hand towards the sky to see it was just bones!

"You’re dead!", said the masked creature, "I died because of you, now its your turn to Pay HAHAAHAH!", "WATCH!"”

[01:50] Foxesruleii: Woah! Wait.
[01:50] Foxesruleii: That was a whole chapter?
[01:50] ProjectV01: its very good for Zeo that he found perfect harmony amid the pollution disease infested wastelands of wheneverthefuck
[01:52] Foxesruleii: Hmm... More harmony in this chapter.
[01:52] Foxesruleii: He keeps using that word.
[01:52] Foxesruleii: I don't think that word means what he thinks it means.
[01:52] ProjectV01: little Princess Bride there I see. I have to agree though
[01:52] Foxesruleii: Indeed.
[01:53] ProjectV01: also, how is getting drunk on ale going to lead to harmony? moreover, how is an apparent half naked thirteen year old clad only in a diaper getting drunk on ale going to lead to harmony? this sounds like a bad "walked into a bar" joke
[01:54] Foxesruleii: A 13 year old wearing modern diapers walks into a bar in the seventeen hundreds and the bartender says...
[01:54] Foxesruleii: Shit, this is a weird joke.
[01:54] ProjectV01: and the bartender turns into a skeleton and flings him out the door..... ok point of order, are we sure this isnt just the bouncer?
[01:55] Foxesruleii: To quote Gene Okerland, Fuck it.
[01:56] ProjectV01: it cant be the bouncer though, because while he's walking out the door he chops off everyone’s heads. some people cant walk and chew gum simultaneously, but this guy can skip along while severing peoples heads. cool.
[01:56] Foxesruleii: Awesome.
[01:57] ProjectV01: also, I think this is the first remotely realistic part of the story, in that anyone seeing the scene described would immediately piss their pants and call for… lets see here, the bureau of alcohol tobacco and fire arms, child welfare services, Johnny depp, and the marines.
[01:58] Foxesruleii: Who said watch?
[01:58] Foxesruleii: There's two people here.
[01:58] ProjectV01: ... isnt he still just outside the bar he just got kicked out of?
[01:58] Foxesruleii: You don't use new quotations for a guy continuing a sentence.
[01:59] ProjectV01: if you move someone out of a door they completely lose their sense of place?
[01:59] Foxesruleii: So the bartender says "WATCH!"
[01:59] ProjectV01: hahaha thats a great fucking joke! also, how did Zeo kill........ whoever this is? is this Falador?
[01:59] ProjectV01: because so far Falador is the only other character in this story as far as I know
[01:59] Foxesruleii: Maybe this is bloody tree guy.
[02:00] Foxesruleii: Johnny Depp?
[02:00] ProjectV01: Johnny Depp wouldn't take such a poorly written role... and the horsemen was Christopher Walken........ who can't possibly be present, because I don;t think its possible to do or write anything remotely erotic within one hundreed feet of that guy
[02:01] Foxesruleii: True, true.
[02:01] Foxesruleii: He has an anti-sex field.

“Chapter 3- death date

Without warning, flashbacks appeared running through Zeo’s skull, he saw himself lying on a tree in pain, and then a bloody knife stabbing his arm as he rolled out a tree and broke of his nappy while heavily pissing in fear, blood spewing everywhere and evil laughter all around, in all his years he had never seen before something quite like this before.

The shadow stabbed his stomach as he cried in pain and all his laughs’ movements stopped.

Because on my tombstone lay, this is Zeo Mcnee died 13 years after birth and died in vain, he shant be seeing light again because I am Zeo Mcee and this is my story of life and death of a maniac who loves nappies!

Happy death day, Lucy I shall never forget all the times you were there for me:'(.”

[02:01] ProjectV01: Chapter 3- death date

[02:01] Foxesruleii: Death Date.
[02:01] ProjectV01: the new fox reality show
[02:01] Foxesruleii: Wasn't that a movie on the sci-fi channel?
[02:01] ProjectV01: 1 contestant will have a date. the other sixteen will DIE
[02:02] Foxesruleii: Tune in next week.
[02:02] ProjectV01: I think it was Lifetime. Death Date: The Perky Lady Story
[02:02] ProjectV01: and isnt it rude how flashbacks always appear without warning? they couldn't call first? No, they just pop in
[02:03] Foxesruleii: Yeah.
[02:04] Foxesruleii: Wait, wait, wait...
[02:04] Foxesruleii: He had a flashback, but in all his years he had never seen something like it?
[02:04] ProjectV01: hahaha I missed that
[02:05] ProjectV01: so, the guy who is being attacked by whoever this is, is having a flashback to a previous attack?
[02:05] Foxesruleii: Indeed.
[02:06] Foxesruleii: That NEVER HAPPENED>
[02:06] ProjectV01: “he had never seen before something quite like this before.”
[02:06] ProjectV01: thats just good prose, I gotta admit
[02:07] Foxesruleii: True.
[02:07] Foxesruleii: All accolades to this.
[02:07] ProjectV01: ok lets finish this bitch, I'm looking forward to the part I can masturbate to
[02:07] Foxesruleii: Wait, wait, wait... Wait... Uh... What the FUCK.
[02:08] Foxesruleii: THis is a total mindscrew.
[02:08] Foxesruleii: He dies.
[02:08] ProjectV01: ... And so does Lucy, apparently NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
[02:08] Foxesruleii: This is just fucked up.
[02:09] ProjectV01: All I wanted was to jerk it to a good story about the headless horseman wearing diapers, but instead I get this
[02:09] Foxesruleii: Yeah.
[02:09] Foxesruleii: The diapers were irrelevant.
[02:09] ProjectV01: the entire story was irrelevent
[02:10] ProjectV01: why was he laughing? why did a shadow stab him for laughing?
[02:10] Foxesruleii: Is there any relation between Zeo McEe and Zeo McNee?
[02:11] ProjectV01: wait wait, maybe this is a true crime story. we have four characters: Falador, Mcee, Mcnee, and Lucy. at least two of them are dead at the end
[02:11] ProjectV01: I really think Falador did it
[02:11] Foxesruleii: But it says McEe did it.
[02:13] ProjectV01: aha, but the story is titled the life and death of zeo mcEe, so we must assume he is dead too....... perhaps he was Falador's accomplice? I think it's implied that Falador killed him in the end to hush him up
[02:14] Foxesruleii: How so?
[02:15] ProjectV01: Well look, Falador has a motive: Zeo scorning him during their only lines of dialogue. Also, considering that Zeo wanders off from the meeting with Falador, he had to have a reason. Maybe he owed Falador money. so, Falador says, you know, help me kill Lucy and Zeo McNee and I'll forgive the debt
[02:16] Foxesruleii: Hmm. True, true. It all makes sense now.
[02:17] ProjectV01: like all good mysteries, it all comes together in the end. Falador just used the Horseman's legend as a cover for his own plot to kill Lucy
[02:18] Foxesruleii: I see.
[02:18] Foxesruleii: We must alert the authorities.
[02:18] ProjectV01: TO THE BAT CAVE! But first, here’s the final question
[02:18] Foxesruleii: Oh?
[02:18] ProjectV01: what are the chances, in hundredths of a percent, that any sane human being could possibly choke their chicken while reading this story
[02:19] ProjectV01: I'm going to say it's something like .009
[02:20] Foxesruleii: Chances are better if the horribleness of the story got them so angry that they just had to go find a something and choke it, and a chicken had to be nearby.
[02:20] ProjectV01: then they could throw it up onto a branch of the dead tree to bleed on its clothing, while it was naked of course
[02:20] Foxesruleii: Yes indeed.
[02:21] ProjectV01: Otal, what do you say we never read anything again, eh?
[02:21] Foxesruleii: I agree.
[02:25] ProjectV01: Think I’m going to draw some illustrations. name a favorite scene from one of the chapters for me to illustrate........ and for gods sake man, make it something that my mind can comprehend enough to be invisioned
[02:26] Foxesruleii: The gravestone
[02:26] Foxesruleii: And you gotta have the field of harmony
[02:26] ProjectV01: haha its like a force field but a harmony field... also, what engraver would possibly write anything remotely like that on a tombstone?
[02:27] Foxesruleii: A horrible one.
[02:27] ProjectV01: I know this guy (maybe) killed a bunch of people, but even murderers dont have shit like "a maniac who loves nappies" written on their graves. no one deserves that
[02:27] Foxesruleii: Yeah.'
[02:27] Foxesruleii: And who the hell puts "Died in vain" in it.
[02:30] ProjectV01: yeah that statement would apply to anyone that didnt die taking a bullet for the president or a hot chick
[02:30] Foxesruleii: Indeed.
[02:31] ProjectV01: although it'd be a hilarious comment for Kurt Cobain's grave "died in vein" lololol
[02:31] Foxesruleii: Heh!
[02:31] Foxesruleii: Its funny because drugs.
[02:31] ProjectV01: and you hit upon the best explanation for this story
[02:32] Foxesruleii: I Am A Genius
[02:33] ProjectV01: well, shall we call it a night then? I must go and write my own erotic fan fiction: “scooby doo is killed and raped by a mummy, and also, v for vendetta"
[02:34] ProjectV01: maybe add a fetish element to it, where just before he dies scooby doo crossdresses for a bit by putting on a pink collar
[02:34] Foxesruleii: He calls himself Scoobie Dee